i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
