i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
