Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
