Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
