thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
