I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
