i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
