he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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