But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
