Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
