you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
