It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
