Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
