there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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