Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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