Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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