Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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