I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
