just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize