Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
