yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
