He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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