he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
