I am puke
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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