Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
