if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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