i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
