Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
