seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
