considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you win again, gameday.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
