I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
