Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
