dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
