I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Can Purell be used as lube?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
