I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize