I am puke
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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