fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
