I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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