and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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