actually, I'm a sock model
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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