I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
