mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
