dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
