I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
