nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
