I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
