hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
