A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
