nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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