I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
