i just google imaged poop.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
