That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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