i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
