yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
