She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
