Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
