Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize