Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
