4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
