I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The air was thick with penises
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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