You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize