Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
