....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
