Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
