How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
