i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize