hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
