why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
