i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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