Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
