wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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