I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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