I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
BRING THE BAGELS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
