Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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