Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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