So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
