Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
