it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
